when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Sext me about skeletons
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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