I hate all girls vehemently.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
