i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
