Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
