Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
