you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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