I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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