Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
