I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
