There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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