Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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