You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
