He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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