I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
