how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
