Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
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