i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
is wine microwaveable?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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