Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
My liver just had a heart attack.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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