Your dad touched me again.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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