I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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