I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
