Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
