I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
