Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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