Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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