i think my tv is drunk
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She told me I should be a condom model.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
