yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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