Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
