1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
