there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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