tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
