didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
someone threw a dead crab at me
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
