I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
