You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
