My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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