we have pet lesbian snakes
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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