god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
