The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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