My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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