the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
