How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
