You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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