Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
