I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
