if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
