I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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