If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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