Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He felt like a one man threesome
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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