I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
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