He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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