it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
