Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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