It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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