New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Randomize
