There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Randomize
