Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
