operation harelip BJ is a go
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Randomize
