She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
