Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
