I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
just tell him i said nine months
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
