I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
